Empathizing with Zeus

I recall as a kid being first introduced to Greek and Roman mythology. One of the more memorable stories was about how Zeus had a headache; someone grabbed an ax and hit him in the head - splitting his skull - and out popped Minerva or someone.

I'm about ready to try that remedy. In the past month, I've had 4 major attacks. By major, I mean the type that is so debilitating, that you can't work, can't drive, can't think, can't do anything except lie in bed with a pillow over your head, or perhaps lie on the bathroom floor so that you are close to the toilet when the next wave of nausea hits.

This has been a way of life with me, but it hasn't always been this bad. When I was a little kid, I got nosebleeds. We're talking, all the adults panic and wonder whether to take you to the ER type of nosebleeds. Then, just before puberty, the nosebleeds went away and the headaches started. In fact, not long after I got married, I had one so bad that my then-husband took me to a minor emergency clinic, which mostly just netted me some suppositories which knocked me out cold. This was good, as I then felt no pain. (Some wicked dreams, but I've always had those, too.)

A couple of years later, I became pregnant with my first child. The one question I had of my doctor was, can I take my migraine medications? The answer was "No!", by the way. However, as it turned out, migraines had become a thing of the past. My kids were spaced fairly closely together, and I don't think I had a single headache ... until the youngest was about 3 or so. I did, however, revert to those God-awful nosebleeds during this time.

Alll good things come to an end, and so did my respite from migraines. However, in the years without them, medications had improved. Now I could take a pill and about half - later most - of the time, I could keep on with my day. Before this, I'd take a pill and go home to bed (or to barf, as the case might be.)

Recently, I hit menopause. About time, I thought! I figured this would be when the migraines went away again, and the nosebleeds returned. I was prepared, having learned better management of nosebleeds from having had kids in the house. I was wrong.

I as write this, it is about 4:30 in the morning. I felt good yesterday, until I drove home. By the time I came home and fed the pets, I could barely function. Finally, about 90 minutes after I got home, I crawled into bed and hibernated. About 4 hours ago, I woke up again, completely unable to sleep further.

All the remedies (and they are legion!) that I find online seem fairly useless. Either they are, "Go soak in a lavender-scented bathtub," or they are, "Order this product online and your problems will disappear!" Many of the recommendations directly contradict each other. For instance, "Take an Excedrin or drink a diet Coke" versus "Avoid caffeine, sugar, and artificial flavors and colors." Drink lots of water is a good suggestion, but I've been drinking enough to float away, and it hasn't helped. "Massage the area ..." versus "Massage will just inflame the area" are other suggestions I've found. Again, sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. "This prescription worked wonders for me!" is great for whoever "me!" is, but that won't hold true for everyone.

So I am brought back to Zeus. I'm finished with my child-rearing days, but if a fully grown adult were to pop out of my head, it would be worth it if the headache were to disappear. Pressure on the area between thumb and forefinger hasn't helped, nor has "tinking happy tots", warming the hands, or applying head or cold to various areas around the head or neck.

As with hiccups, no one seems to know what actually causes a migraine. No one, therefore, really seems to know how to cure one. Everyone has theories, because everyone has seen at least one person with a headache (possibly themselves) which went away when some action was performed. However, the same action probably won't work for everyone, and odds are, it won't work every time for the one who swears by it. Maybe running head-long into a brick wall will help. It's about the only remedy I haven't tried, other than using that ax.

A Disturbance in the Force

I have always had "vivid dreams", which makes me wonder how I'd know if I had that as a side effect of one of many prescription medications I see advertised on television, were I to need one of them. The other night, I had one of the most vivid and possibly the most disturbing dream I ever have had. The dream was so disturbing, in fact, that while I mentioned to "Mr. Piphylbod" having had a disturbing dream, I still refuse to go into detail with him. However, I will touch briefly on the dream here.

I had a less-than-ideal childhood. Many of those on whom I should have relied upon for safety and support not only failed miserably, but actively invaded my innocent sense of safety. In my dream, I was who I am now, a reasonably secure and self-confident adult. The worst of the perpetrators came to me, feigning complete innocence, while making it clear what this person's intentions were.

I told this person to leave me alone. The miscreant looked innocently at me and asked, "What? I was just ..." I shouted, "Go away!" and - oddly enough - the person immediately left. One of the other individuals from my childhood - not one of the vile sort - then entered the room and asked what was going on. I answered, "Nothing," and marveled to myself that I actually had made the evil person stop. At the same time, I was disturbed that the evil-deed-doer still (in my dream) had intention to cause harm to me, and was still in denial of ever having done so.

That's pretty much the whole dream. It was a much shorter one than I usually have, stayed on topic, and had a definite ending. What I don't understand is why I had it, and why it still disturbs me. I suspect that I feel disturbed, because I firmly believe that most dreams are the result of the mind sorting out things which have happened recently, are still happening, or were very traumatic when they happened. Yes, this was traumatic; although, I did not realize at the time how traumatic, innocently believing as do most children that other children's lives were like my own.

However, I thought that the bulk of this had been settled in my psyche years ago, through a very intense and honest treatment I chose when I became a parent, so that I could feel certain that I would not pass this behavior down to another generation. The reason I am so disturbed, then, is apparently because this old ghost (though no one involved has yet died) has come back to haunt me, for no apparent reason. Why now?

It's much simpler than you think.

A lot of people think I am a very complex individual. Even the Kiersey Temperment Sorter© seems to indicate that I am rather complex. However, I am really quite simple.

I believe in truth and justice. I know, it sounds like I'm plugging to play Superman, but it's true. I try to be honest, sometimes to a fault, and I want other people to be fair with each other. I like to do a good job in whatever work I am doing and expect others to do likewise. When I buy a product, I expect (or want to expect) it to perform as advertised.

I try to give respect to each person, until that person acts in such a way as to lose that respect. In return, I want to be respected as a human being, unless and until I violate someone's trust or prove myself unworthy of their respect. I also want to love and to be loved. I don't believe in random, meaningless expressions of affection, but encourage genuine ones; however, I am not comfortable showing or being shown affection in a public setting.

I try to be compassionate to those who are poor, helpless, or incapable; but I am intolerant of incompetence. Incompetence includes accepting someone's word about something - anything: politics, religion, anything subject to debate - without considering the available facts for oneself. Likewise, when one offers a dissenting opinion, I expect both sides to listen to and  to try to respect the other person's opinion, whether or not they agree with it. Everyone has a history, and if you consider a person's history, you may at a minimum understand why they feel as they do.

I will treat you fairly, and I hope you will do the same for me. When someone, or some thing, has treated me unfairly or unjustly, I need time to regroup. I recognize that few people actually understand me, but I wish more people would try. I really am much simpler to understand than you might think.

Stop the world, I want to get off.

I am living the American dream. Well, perhaps it isn't the dream of every American, but it's the dream of this one. However, it's exhausting.

A few years ago I became essentially the sole wage earner in my household, due to factors beyond the household's control. This wasn't a major concern at the time, since there were more important issues to be concerned with, such as those factors beyond our control.

Enough time has passed that our lives have returned to a sense of normalcy. Again, our definition of "normal" may not be what it is for everyone, but it suffices for us. Yet I grow increasingly weary of the tasks which have been thrust upon me, in combination with those tasks which I had enjoyed in the past. For example, I have always been the chief financial officer in our household. This was a task I not only enjoyed, but relished. It was exhilarating to be able to know at a moment's notice where I stood financially, what was owed, what was coming in, when things would no longer be an expense.

The problem comes when this task is just one of a thousand chores I have laid out in the week. True, I could be doing some of them now, rather than writing this paragraph, but everyone needs a moment to recharge batteries now and again. After my hours of work, volunteer and/or social activities, ensuring that we don't starve nor permit our four-footed fellows to do so, and attempting to keep the homestead to a minimum level of dishevelment, those tasks which were once my refuge from ordinary life are now a stake in the heart of my life.

More than once in my life, I have found myself to be worth more dead than alive. Of course, one's worth to the world and one's worth to one's family or self cannot be equated. The previous  time I was in this state, my family would have received more in survivors' benefits than I was then able to provide. Those days are long past. Now, my earthly value is enhanced by my life insurance, the largest chunk of which is currently being provided by the company for which I work.

There's an insecurity in that type of value. Should I lose my employment, I would no longer have the insurance protection which I currently enjoy. Additionally, I would be unable to pay for such minor pleasantries as my home, my vehicle, food, and yes, my non-employer-provided life insurance. While I presently have no genuine concerns as to my future situation with my employer, I have, over the past several years, lost a considerable percentage of my wages to inflation. When a raise is received most years, but not all, and when those raises even when presented annually fall short of the rise in inflation, the standard of living must necessarily decline, as well.

In short, I am working harder for less pay and with much more to lose should I become unemployed. Is there any wonder that I tire of the whole system?

"I wouldn't have honked if I'd known it was you."

Many years ago, I was driving to church, and stopped for a red light. The light changed, and I waited, my mind elsewhere. The large, expensive car behind me honked. I realized then that the light had changed, and proceeded to church.

I arrived, and as I was leaving to leave, and elderly couple that I knew approached me. The gentleman told me, "I'm sorry about honking at you this morning. I wouldn't have honked if I'd known it was you."

Too often, we bluster our way through life. Even caring individuals seem to step on the figurative toes of others, when those others are strangers to them. Even though, in my story above, I needed to be reminded to go, the man who honked at me was embarassed at having treated me like he would a stranger.

I often am told that, "Life isn't fair." This is a fact. However, much of life could be more fair, if the people in everyone's lives were to act more fairly. Do you yell at your employees? Mistreat your significant other? Ignore your children so that you can have more time to talk on the phone? Lie on your taxes? Keep the extra dollar the kid at the convenience store gave you in your change?

Before we do an action, we should ask ourselves how we would feel if we were on the other side. Will the kid working his first job, perhaps to save for college or to help out his parents, get fired because his till doesn't balance at the end of the day? Will someone tell him it was all his own fault, or that "life isn't fair"?

If I am the one who received that extra dollar, which I probably have no real need for, and I knowingly kept it, it's not all his fault. It's my fault, much more than it is his. He is being punished for an honest - if careless - mistake. I however, am benefitting from deliberately committing a wrong.

Now when someone in traffic ignores the light, I try to remind myself of the event mentioned earlier. I ask myself if there might be something in that person's life which is distracting him. Is he going to a funeral? Is he contemplating marriage? Is he on his way home from a double shift at work? Maybe he's just a jerk, but I prefer to give him the benefit of the doubt.