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Sunday, March 24, 2013

Not this year

Each year for the past several, I have half joked, half seriously stated that the current year had to be better than the previous year, as it could not be worse. Last year, at least, seems to have reached that lowly goal. This year I fear will not.

I was not set back by a January operation. I cringed only a bit when the estimate I was given for the cost was only a twentieth or so of what the bill was, even though that bill will probably not be paid this year. I accepted my fate when another operation on an entirely different part of my body needed surgery a mere two months later, about exhausting my leave for the entire year - not to mention completely exhausting my body.

It's all good, right? This is why I have friends and a loving family. I can always count on them, right? And as the most horrible saying of the current era goes, at least I still have a job, right?

During the first week of my recuperation from my second operation, I received two telephone calls (not related to my job or my doctors) - one from my aged mother and one from a minister. The second week, I received an e-mail from the minister - who was on vacation, and a call from one friend who brought us a meal. The third week, I was able to venture back out into public a bit, but my husband - who has his own medical issues - was limited in his ability to take me some places I both wanted and needed to go and may not have the chance again to go for several weeks.

Tomorrow again, I have something I had planned on doing. My husband and I have assisted with transportation for others in the past, including some people we had never met before, so that they could participate in these various activities. I made inquiries into getting transportation, and the best I was able to get was someone (who was in no position to offer assistance) offering their disappointment that I would be unable to attend.

It's hard enough for a person like myself, who has always been independent and tried not to be a burden upon anyone else, to accept assistance when I need it. However, when I accept that I do need assistance and cannot find it, even from those whom I have assisted in the past, I find it disappointing and disheartening. I'm sure I'll feel differently when the sun rises, or at least when it has done so a few more times. For now, however, I am in the midst of my own, personal pity party.